You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
