How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is wine microwaveable?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
