So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
