You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is the high leading the old right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
