someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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