Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
