the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize