i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
