You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
