Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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