this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
