Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you still have your period?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
