so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize