I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
