whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
