Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
