You're so nebulous sometimes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
