HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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