My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
