I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
