fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
