none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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