Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
