Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
