soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
