wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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