If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
