sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
