I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
