This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
