The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You smell like stripper and shame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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