the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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