HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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