I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
