Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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