Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
