I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
