i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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