I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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