go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
