my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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