So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm like, not good at living.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
