Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
