That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
