when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
