they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
