Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
