found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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