it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
