eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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