sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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