i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
