I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
