I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize