haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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