Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize