i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
