You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
