No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
