final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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