physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
