Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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