that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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