happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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