It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
