you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
