My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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