oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
