When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
