ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do herpes really smell.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
