It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize