Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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