All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My breasts were aching with rage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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