i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
vagina is talking i cant
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
