I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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