3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
