i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
