My liver just broke up with me...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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