Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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