So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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