areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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