I will die if light touches me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
