if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
