It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
