I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
