my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
