did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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