I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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