I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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