So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
