did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
