One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So squirting runs in the family.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
