Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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