my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
