Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
