The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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