coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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