thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
