Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize