is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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