if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
