Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
