you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
