I wish I only lived at night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
